This post may contain affiliate links. This means if you click a link and purchase an item that I recommend, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions are my own.
No one would argue that self-control is a good trait to have.
When you have self-control, you can put down the burger and pick up the salad. Put down the sugary drink and pick up the water. Put down the remote and pick up a book and the analogies can go on and on.
Jump to Sections in this Post
The first question that I want to pose is “Can self-control be a bad thing?”
I personally believe that too much of anything can be a bad thing.
Too much self-control and you live a life that is uptight, and super structured with no room for error or deviation.
If something is out of order, you will panic and feel like the world is over and your plans are ruined.
But where there is no self-control life is impulsive, unstructured, and free-flowing. Proverbs 25:28 NIV says “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” So the Bible tells us that bad things and chaos can happen when self-control isn’t there.
We also know from Galatians 5:22-23 that one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control.
Now back to the question of “Can self-control be a bad thing?”
It can definitely be a bad thing if you allow self-control to control your life as mentioned above.
Self-control can also be a bad thing when you begin to exercise your self-control into controlling others, which I’ll talk about a few sentences down.
So while I know that self-control is a good thing, I think we have to find the right balance to let go when things fall outside of our control.
The next question I want to pose is “How does self-control lead to being controlling?”
It will likely be that because you tend to have a greater level of self-control, others will be drawn to you because you seemingly have it all together. They will want to know how you do it and how you stay consistent.
You will offer them tips on what helps you maintain self-control and they will label you as a responsible person who is trustworthy.
But the shift from self-control to controlling can really be evident when you’re in a romantic relationship.
Again, because others look to you as a person who is responsible and has self-control, in a relationship, especially with someone who isn’t as structured, you will tend to exert your self-control onto them because you have a history of people coming to you for advice. What you end up doing in a romantic relationship is exerting control over your partner by telling them how they should act, behave, and respond.
You may think that you’re being helpful, but you have to evaluate how your tendency to have self-control has turned into controlling others.
To you, it may not be as evident, but to others, they may perceive their freedoms as being limited and revoked.
Thus, by having too much self-control, you begin to lack or limit the other fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 which include love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness.
So what do you do?
First, you listen. You listen to what others are telling you and don’t get offended. You also listen to or read podcasts, videos, your Bible, and self-help books to help you understand how to control your tendency to control.
Then you take the necessary steps to allow the perfect balance of the fruits of the Spirit to work in your life, not relying too heavily on self-control and abandoning the others.
While you’re going through this process, yes you should still minister to others on how you maintain self-control, but you should also let them know that they shouldn’t uphold one fruit of the Spirit while abandoning the others.
So if you have the tendency to let your self-control control others, be aware of your words, thoughts and actions, and take the necessary steps to make progress in the right direction.
